


After: Learning How to Live

by communisthamster



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Hogwarts Eighth Year, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 23:55:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29816328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/communisthamster/pseuds/communisthamster
Summary: The ghosts of the war haunt Harry's every moment, but he owes it to them to remember Hogwarts for what it is, not a graveyard. After finding himself stuck with the man he nearly killed in sixth year, but then saved twice in seventh, as a roommate, Harry wonders what will become of his and Draco's relationship.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Kudos: 2





	After: Learning How to Live

**Author's Note:**

> TW: drinking at the end

Harry jolted awake, the laugh of Voldemort echoing in his mind. It’s just a dream, the war is over, he mumbled to himself as he put his glasses on. He glanced at the alarm clock next to him, 4:00. Good, that was the most sleep he’d gotten all week. He pulled on an extra jumper and made his way to the kitchen, ignoring the empty trunk by his door. He liked his flat, it was small, but it didn’t hold the ghosts that The Burrow and 12 Grimmauld Place did. He turned the kettle on with a flick of his wand and curled up under a blanket, maybe sleep would come to him here. No such luck. He flicked his wand again, this time a loud crash followed, he cursed himself under his breath. He had gotten pretty good at wordless magic over the summer, but he was always disoriented this soon after a nightmare.

“Kreacher,” he croaked. He didn’t like summoning the house elf, but he was just so tired.

“Would Master Harry like breakfast?” His mouth twisted into what could be considered a smile. Harry had ordered Kreature to help out the Weasley’s soon after the war ended, to which he voiced his disapproval but had to follow through with.

“Tea, please.” He listened as Kreature walked to the kitchen, quickly cleaning up the mess he had made earlier with the snap of his fingers, before starting the kettle again. He missed the noise of The Burrow. But after he and Ginny agreed it’d be best to at least put a pause on their relationship, he felt like even more of a burden than before. He blamed himself for Fred’s death and it felt disrespectful to grieve with them, no matter what Mrs. Weasley said. 

He planned on living at 12 Grimmauld Place, but there were too many memories, too many ghosts. So he got himself a tiny flat in London, someplace he could call his own, without worrying about those who had died for him. Not that it helped.

Kreature walked back to Harry with an elaborate tea tray, bowing politely before asking if there was anything else he could do.

“Could you pack my trunk for me?” He huffed, he had planned on doing it himself, but couldn’t see himself doing it in the next few hours. Kreature scampered off to his bedroom.

He stayed there for a few hours, slowly drinking his tea, muttering a warming charm when it grew cold. There wasn’t much to look at, so he stared at the closed boxes he had been meaning to unpack since he moved in. He couldn’t remember what was in them, but he knew he couldn’t look, the pain was too raw. HIs summer had been punctuated with funerals, so many that they had blurred into one long one in Harry’s mind. And he knew he’d see to many people he’d never see again in those boxes.

At eight, he decided to get up and get dressed. He spent the rest of the hour making sure Kreature had packed everything he needed (he had) and pacing the length of his flat.

At nine sharp, he bid Kreature farewell, grabbed his things, stepped outside of his flat, and apparated to the Tonks’.

“Hello, Andromeda, I wanted to see Teddy before Hogwarts.” 

“Of course, come in,” she pulled him into a hug and shut the door behind her, “He’s sleeping right now, but I can wake him.”

“No, it’s alright, he deserves his sleep,” Harry remembered his own sleepless night and for a moment, he envied the little boy. Andromeda led him to the familiar room, and left him alone with Teddy. He glanced at the empty portrait above the crib, which caused him to scrunch his nose for a minute. But then he turned his gaze to the baby, who was now donning dazzling bright blue hair now, and a faint smile. 

“I love you,” he gently kissed Teddy’s forehead, “And I’m so sorry.” Eventually, tears pricked at the edge of his eyes, and, overcome with emotion, he had to excuse himself. Promising Andromeda he’d be back as soon as possible, he quickly apparated to Kings Cross. It was early, not even ten yet, and the train wouldn’t be leaving for more than an hour, but out of habit, Harry got on the train and went to the familiar compartment as the very back. He put his things away, and curled up in the corner. He thought of poor Teddy, and Remus and Tonks, and Sirius, and his parents and… a noise startled him out of his thoughts.

He jumped up and pulled his wand out in front of him, and, “Oh, sorry,” he mumbled, sitting back down.

“S’alright, Harry,” Ron sat down across from him, “I do it too, ya know, sometimes.” And Hermione just started at him in a way that said everything, he nodded at them and dropped his gaze to the floor. He hadn’t even noticed Ginny, who sat down next to Hermione, even though it was now a three to one seating arrangement. Neville came in shortly after, breaking the tension that Harry pretended not to notice was there.

“Look who I found on the platform!” He gestured to Luna before sitting down next to Harry, Luna took her the last seat and gave him the signature Lovegood look. He hadn’t realized how much time had passed until the train pulled away from the station. 

The others talked during the ride, but he was too busy staring out the window to pay any attention. He guessed Hermione was saying something about classes, and Neville said something about Professor Sprout, but he wasn’t sure what, exactly. Luna’s soft voice carried over to him, but he couldn’t quite make out what she said. 

“Harry! Harry!” He was jolted out of his daze, they were all staring at him, and Ginny had a slight frown, but Hermione was the one to speak, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, fine,” a lie, and they all knew it, but Hermione didn’t press farther.

“We wanted to know how Teddy is?”

“Oh, brilliant,” and for the first time since he left Andromeda’s house, he smiled. “Yeah, amazing, I saw him this morning and he had this bright blue hair, it was wicked, and he’s always smiling, always, and,” he rambled on and on, and no one moved to interrupt him. It was the most he said in a long time, but they didn’t know that. He continued, telling them stories he couldn’t remember if he had told them before, but it didn’t matter. He spoke until he couldn’t, his dream came crashing back to the front of his mind, Remus and Tonks were dead, and Teddy would grow up without his parents. So he stopped, abruptly, mid-sentence, and turned his gaze back to the window. An eerie silence followed, but what could he do about it.

“D’you know who else is coming back?” Neville dared, “Seamus and Dean said they were, and last I hear Lavender hadn’t decided.” The others just shrugged, summer had been too hectic to send owls to old school friends.

The arrival of the trolly brought much needed sweets and normalcy to the compartment. The quaint attitude was quickly disrupted when Neville opened his chocolate frog.

“Oh, Harry, it's you,” Luna mused. And so it was, the Boy Who Lived, on a bloody trading card.

Eventually, they reached Hogwarts. Hagrid’s booming voice called the first years over to him, _at least some things never change_. They walked over to the carriages, Hermione pulled herself closer to Ron, _but some things do_. The last time they had ridden these, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny hadn’t been able to see the thestrals, and he wondered how many others would find out that the carriages weren’t drawn by magic for the first time, _all because of him_. The ride to the castle was as tense as the train.

And there it was, Hogwarts. The place he first faced Voldemort, and the place where he killed him. The beginning and the end. What that made now, Harry didn’t know. He hadn’t been back since May, and just seeing it made him queasy. McGonagall had requested to meet with Harry a few times during the summer (presumably at Hogwarts) to talk about “the year ahead,” but each time Harry cordially invited her to The Burrow and the topic of conversation focused solely on if he was okay.

They were stopped just inside the entrance hall, “McGonagall asked us to wait,” Hannah Abbot supplied, and so they watched the rest of the students walk past them into the Great Hall, each of them gawking at the Boy Who Lived as they passed. Perhaps Harry would have participated in the seemingly engaging conversation Ron and Hermione were having with Lavender Brown if he hadn’t noticed the bright blond hair of Draco Malfoy, but then again, maybe not. Draco was standing off to the side, looking at his feet. And so, he stared at him as if he were a ferret, which would’ve been funny enough a different year, except that Moody turned out to be a death eater in disguise and the real Mad-Eye was dead. It was an odd sight, and Harry didn’t know what to think, he wasn’t used to seeing him without his normal air of confidence. Although he hadn’t seen Draco since he testified on his and his mothers behalf (not Lucius’s though) near the end of May, maybe this is just how he is now. Draco finally looked up, sensing the hole Harry was burning in the back of his head. They made eye contact, which Draco quickly ended by looking back down at his feet.

“Mr. Potter, a word,” McGonagall appeared almost instantly after the last student made their way into the Great Hall. She quickly ushered him around the corner before casting a silencing charm. 

“Er, yes professor?” 

“How are you doing?” She asked, but he was pulled into a tight hug before he could answer.

“Just brilliant, thanks,” He replied, rather blandly. 

“I wanted to get your opinion on the living arrangements for eighth years.” Harry just nodded. “As you know this past year has been rather difficult on all of us,” she paused, “But the war is over, we won, and it is our duty not to repeat the mistakes of our past. That is why, in support of school unity, I thought it best that you and Mr. Malfoy roomed together this year.” Bloody hell, he thought but didn’t say. “I understand if you do not want this, and I will make the necessary changes.” Harry stared at his shoes a minute longer before meeting her eyes.

“No, makes sense, got to work together, eh?” Her expression softened and she led him back to the rest of the eighth years. She gave a short speech about the living arrangements and the need to work together before leading them to the Great Hall. Harry didn’t hear a word, he was too busy trying to accept the fact he’d have to share a room with Draco for the entire year. His feet carried him with the rest of his friends to the Great Hall, but when McGonagall pushed the doors open, he froze. This is where he learned Fred, Tonks, and Remus had died, along with so many others, but it was normal. Four long tables stretched the length of the hall, hundreds of candles floated in air, and the enchanted ceiling was beautiful. Hermione tugged at his arm, but he still didn’t move. He couldn’t see anything except corpses. Hermione tugged again, harder this time. Harry gave her a look that said don’t follow me before turning around to run to his new dormitory.

“Unitatis,” he panted to the portrait guarding their dorms. He squeezed through as soon as he could and ran until he found what he was looking for. “Harry Potter & Draco Malfoy” read the door, along with an etching of a lion and a snake, they appeared to be sleeping at the moment. He collapsed on the bed nearest the door, but didn’t close his eyes, afraid of what he would see when he did. He laid there, unmoving, until his heart beat returned to normal. He didn’t know how long the feast was going to go until, so he put on the invisibility cloak and stuffed the Marauders Map in his pocket, in order to avoid as many unwanted conversations as possible for as long as possible. He made his way to the hospital wing, walking this time, and he nearly forgot to remove the cloak before walking in. 

“Harry!” She greeted him with a warm embrace, “it’s so nice to see you.” Her smile and warm eyes were unmatched. 

“You too, Madame Pomfrey,” he put on a fake smile, hoping she couldn’t tell, “I was wondering if I could get a sleeping draught?” 

“Oh no, not sleeping well?” She smiled faintly, “Nightmares, is it?” 

“No,” he lied, as if his nightly suffering would ease the pain of having to bury so many. Madam Pomfrey shook her head as she walked back to the store room, she seemed to have a sixth sense when it came to treating her patients. 

“Dreamless,” she paused, “Normally I wouldn’t give out this many but…” she trailed off, “Do come back if you have any more trouble, dear,” she smiled again, sincerely. Harry thanked her and walked back to the dorms, not bothering with the cloak this time, the feast had ended and no one was in the halls. He stuffed the vials into his robe, not wanting to be seen with them, not wanting to be so weak. 

Everyone looked at him when he entered the common room, though they quickly looked away. Hermione stood up, but Harry flashed her one of the vials, muttered goodnight and walked back to his room. Draco was already in bed, the other beds curtains were shut and no light emanated from them. He downed one of the sleeping draughts and shoved the rest of the vials into his end table. He pulled the curtains shut and slept through the night for the first time in months. 

He woke up to an empty room, Draco’s bed looked as if it had never been touched. He got dressed and took a deep breath before opening the door. He was greeted by Ron and Hermione.

“We were just coming to get you.”

“You didn’t have to.” They both looked as if that was the stupidest thing he had ever said, but they didn’t say anything else. The pair walked down to breakfast together, and Harry had to take a couple of breaths before walking through the doors. He tried his best to ignore the stares and whispers as they made their way to sit with the other Gryffindor eighth years. More than a few times, students came up asking for an autograph or a handshake, and Harry obliged, even though he didn’t feel like he should. He always thought of poor Colin Creevy whenever someone asked for an autograph, and he really wished he was thinking of anything else as he ate (though he barely ate). The others talked but he didn’t feel like talking.

“Did you sleep alright?” Hermione asked, trying to bring him into the conversation.

“Like a peach,” he said plainly before promptly returning his gaze to his plate. Ginny and Luna had wandered over at this point, the two had been sitting at the Ravenclaw table. 

“Oh, congrats!” He nodded toward the shiny quidditch captain pin Ginny was wearing, “Knew you’d get it.” Ginny smiled.

“I was wondering if you’d coach with me? We could be co-captains.”

“Oh,” his brow furrowed though he wasn’t entirely sure why, “Yeah, if that’s what you want then yeah.”

“You look better Harry, those potions really do wonders don’t they?” Luna said absently, Harry returned to nodding as a form of communication. The pair squished themselves in between whoever they could to sit at the table. 

“‘Arry!” Hagrid boomed ecstatically, Harry stood up to allow Hagrid to give him a hug that nearly knocked the breath out of him. “They made me ‘ead of Gryffindor ‘ouse! Isn’t that great!” Harry and the others gave a chorus of agreement at this news. “Minerva’s gonna give the eighth years a talk after breakfast about classes, I’ve got to pass out these timetables, it was nice seeing you lot!” Hagrid said as he made his way down the table. 

Harry didn’t listen to a word McGonagall said, he felt bad, but he knew all the eighth years were taking class together, so all he had to do was follow Ron to class. 

“What’s our first class?” He asked absentmindedly, as he stuffed the timetable into his pocket, he made a promise to look at it later.

“Honestly Harry, you’ve got to start listening to McGonagall!” He shrugged, and Hermione continued, “We’ve been given the rest of the week off, McGonagall wants to give us time to adjust before starting class. Which I think is rather ridiculous.”

“I think it’s bloody brilliant!” Ron jutted in before Hermione could say anything else about how important having class was. They made their way to the common room and Harry finally took stock of who all had come back. Ron, Hermione, and Neville, of course, Lavender, Seamus, and Dean, so most of Gryffindor, he didn’t see either of the Patil twins, though they might be somewhere else, no one told them they had to go back to their dorms. Draco, obviously, though he wasn’t in the common room, he saw Blaise Zabini and Pansy Parkinson, as far as he knew, those were the only Syltherins who had returned. He supposed the rest had transferred to Durmstrung, as had most of Slytherin House, or forgone their eighth year altogether. Hannah Abbott and Susan Bones (of Hufflepuff) were talking to Sue Li (Ravenclaw). Ernie MacMillen and Justin Finch-Fletchley (both Hufflepuffs), were playing chess in the corner. He thought there had been more people yesterday, but he’d find out soon enough. 

“Walk?” Ron suggested just as they’d sat down, his twitching leg showed he was eager to do anything but sit down. They all got up and walked back out of the portrait they had just climbed through. They made their way to the lake in silence, though Harry walked a little behind Ron and Hermione. They kept whispering to each other, but Harry didn’t feel left out. 

“Harry?” They said together as they sat down under a tree by the lake, “You’ll tell us if somethings wrong, yeah?” Ron finished. 

“Nothings wrong, I’m alright, really,” he faked a smile. And they let him, it was too early to have an argument. They sat in silence a minute longer.

“Party tonight, Seamus managed to smuggle in some firewhisky.” Harry grinned, even Hermione smiled. 

“That’ll be fun.”

“It’ll be a ball,” Hermione added.

They sat under the tree until lunch, they were joined by Neville at some point, and Ginny and Luna managed to find them after their first class was over. Harry only nodded or answered in very short sentences during lunch, the others didn’t press him for more, and for that, he was thankful. They spent the rest of the day in the common room. Harry played Ron in chess (even though he lost every round), Hermione started an Advanced Arithmancy textbook, a few people decorated for the party, and Neville and Seamus went off to see if they could find a new way to Hogsmead, or at least clear out the tunnel that used to be there. The party was to start after dinner, so until then, they just waited. 

At dinner, McGonagall said a few more words about respect and unity, Harry tried to listen, he really did, but he had no idea what she said. Word got out to a few trustworthy seventh years (Ginny and Luna, to be exact) about the events about to unfold in the seventh year common room. And Harry was excited, mainly because the loud music drowned out his rather negative thoughts and alcohol had the tendency to make him happier as a whole. 

The party went off without a hitch. Harry drank anything he could get his hands on, and much to his delight, Terry Boot had brought something much stronger than firewhiskey, and Sue Li happily supplied an addictively sweet beverage named after some witch. All Harry remembered was lots of dancing and lots of laughing, god it felt good to laugh. Ron and Hermione snogged, quite aggressively at some point, and they quickly left the party some time after that. As the party died down, Harry stumbled off to his room, tripping every few feet, but that was a sign of a good party, wasn’t it?

“Potter, are you drunk?” Draco asked as he fell over after pushing the door open, which had been a lot lighter than he thought it would be. 

“Of course not!” Harry slurred as he made his way to his bed, this was the first time they had spoken since Harry testified at Draco’s trial, but he definitely wasn’t going to remember it in the morning. Draco scoffed as he turned back around to resume whatever he was working on at his desk. Harry kicked his trousers off and face planted on the bed. He didn’t bother to close the curtains, get under the covers or change his shirt, he wasn’t sure how many buttons it had but it sure looked close to a hundred. He did remember to cast a silencing charm though, drinking either got rid of his nightmares or amplified them, and no way was he going to let Draco hear him screaming from a bad dream. He promptly passed out after that. Sleeping draughts, he had found, severely worsened the effects of a hangover, for some reason. 

Harry woke up to an empty room, again. Though he had managed to get half his shirt off and turned himself around so his feet were on his pillows while sleeping. No nightmare, that was good. It was early though, and he supposed that everyone else was still sleeping there. Knowing there was no chance of going back to the bed, he went to the bathroom and made himself as presentable as possible, given his inability to see clearly, even with glasses. 

He made his way to the common room and found it wasn’t empty, though he was the only conscious one there. Ginny and Luna, having decided it too difficult to make it back to their dorms had crashed on the couch and armchair respectively. Someone had thrown a blanket over Ginny and Luna had to be curled up under at least five. Seamus had been unable to make it back to bed, although he was less fortunate than Ginny and Luna, he was sprawled on the floor, without a blanket. Justin was asleep on the window seat, his face pressed against the glass. And it looked like Anthony Goldstein had attempted to play chess at one point, seeing as he was sleeping on the board.

With nowhere else to go, he sat down on the couch by Ginny’s feet. He lit the fireplace with the flick of his wand and watched it as if it was the most exciting thing he had ever seen.

“Alright there?” He prodded Seamus with his foot as he stirred awake.

“Bed,” was all he could croak out before falling asleep again. Ginny pulled her legs up to her chest as if she was embarrassed they had been so close to Harry.

“Sleep well?” He half laughed.

“Like a peach!” She said with a smirk. Good, he liked that they could still joke, although there wasn’t any reason they shouldn’t be able to. They broke up amicably, having both agreed it wasn’t meant to be. _Er, Ginny, I think we should talk_. “I know, it’s just not the same, is it?” And that was pretty much it. 

“Don’t you have a class to get to?” He asked, having no idea what time it was or what her schedule looked like. 

“Who knows! Accio that blue cup over there!” A blue cup zoomed over to her, “Aguamenti.” She drank her water eagerly. “Much better.” A few more people made their way to the common room, Dean looked at Seamus and just tutted. Neville announced he was going to the kitchen, and asked for orders before swerving dramatically and landing soundly in the nearest chair. Hannah bounded into the room, before asking, rather loudly, when the next party was. She was met with lots of groans and a few pillows. 

“Well, if Pansy Parkinson is up, I think it’s time we go back, ready Luna?” He had not noticed Luna had woken up, she looked as if the only thing she drank last night was water. Pansy just shushed them and put a hand on her forehead. “See you at breakfast," she looked at him quizzically, "No, lunch!” Ginny said as she and Luna retreated out of the room. 

“What’s that mean?” He asked Pansy as she took Ginny’s place on the sofa.

“Drank… so much,” she groaned, before clapping a hand to her mouth. “Harry!” She practically shouted.

“That’s my name.”

“I wanted to apologize, I haven’t seen you since, um, for saying we should hand you over to you-know-who, it was kinda bitchy of me, sorry.” Her face grew rather rosy as she said this.

“Oh, it’s alright, you were probably right.” But neither of them said any more. 

“Finally!” He muttered as Ron and Hermione made their way into the common room. Pansy quickly scampered off of the sofa as they approached.

“Bugger off, mate!” 

“And how was your night?” He asked the two lovebirds who were now snuggled up on the couch.

“I should be asking you that, I’m not the one who broke a table!” Ron retorted. He frowned, he definitely did not remember breaking a table.

And that’s how the rest of the week went. Harry slowly came back to his pre-war self, at least he was able to hold conversations longer than a few words, he still pulled out his wand whenever he heard anything resembling a suspicious noise, some things will never go back to normal, he thought. Student’s still approached him everywhere, and they stared and whispered as he walked past them. They had a few more parties, though none as intense as their first one. And Harry had finished the last of his sleeping draughts before lessons had even started, whether that be on the nights he was sober enough to take them, or when he fancied a nap in the middle of the day. It didn’t help, he was still tired all the time, and there was no way he could go back to Madam Pomfrey and ask for more, at least not so soon after his first visit. Harry had only seen his roommate a few times, he was never in the common room, and it seemed he always disappeared in the morning before Harry had even woken up. Although he was sure he could blame the sleeping draughts and hangovers for that, Draco had not attended a single party, as of yet.


End file.
